no, he came in my armpit
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
