Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
