I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
