Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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