he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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