Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
