put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
