I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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