So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
