Please, let me fuck your mom
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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