Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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