I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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