Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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