did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
