Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
