just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
