He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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