Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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