Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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