You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
