She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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