decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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