dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize