just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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