apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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