I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
