someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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