So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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