Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
