just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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