so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
