We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
