It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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