ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
