there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
