i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
