Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
