His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just gargled with NyQuil
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