weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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