yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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