My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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