Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
