I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
