We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
