I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
