Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Boobs speak an international language.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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