wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
