she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize