Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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