my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
