oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize