There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
