I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
