We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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