Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
