who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
