I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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