I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize