were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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