that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
