I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
not ubering you a puppy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
