dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
