oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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