If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
