forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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