If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
