3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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