Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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