if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
