I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
